L-O-V-E

words ring in my ear and they always felt true
never questioned the source like a fundamentalist
I was a terrorist
never ending narration of my life
trains running through my mind
my heart pulled by a puppeteer
beating faster then slower then not at all
aching at night
in the morning a strange taste in my mouth
eating is a chore
space is not empty but smaller things that create distances
actions are not our choices
I am not I nor anything else
I wish I could stand objectively on the edge of the world
if there is a God does he care about us?
if I love you does it really matter?
the tighter I hold the more you slip away
everybody I know tells me to go left or right to reach the middle
could they all be right?
I’ve heard many paths lead to the same place
I have walked many paths and they led nowhere
having stopped running I have found myself everywhere
could this overflowing feeling that makes me quiver be called love?
are there feelings to which we cannot ascribe words?
there is this thing
this thing that overcomes me and pulls me and I can’t let it go
free will has abandoned my life
how can you hold me responsible?
if I could wrap up the world as a gift I would not give it to anyone
thinking leads to thinking and these thoughts drive me crazy even though they aren’t true
sometimes I wish words did exist and I could pluck them out of the air
then at least I would know truth
how it feels
how it tastes
time machines give us an escape from reality and lead to fairy tales
dreams give us hope that dies with the present
this life is full of feelings but we ignore most of them
for the first time I am truly feelings everything
it is a gift and a curse
every feeling is a vibration that multiplies as I watch it travel from my head to my chest and my knees buckle in fear
if I ever felt true love
it would kill me

The Pianist

broken hearted and living after I’m dead
what is it that I can do that will take away all the pain
and when I pray to God he answers in whispers
my story is one of sadness
one where nobody comes and saves me
God is God and they say no one should blame him so they blame me