Coytoe

scarred moons follow me home

watchful eyes move with me as I walk

when everything is quiet I can finally hear the noise

a million miles away someone else is looking at me

prayers for the passing of another season

the man on the TV said he’s ready to give us a reason

living can become such a routine

boxed inside a box

shipped from city to scene

burning to do what needs to be done

decisions hidden behind fear of the outcome

howling at the moon seems the only way to cope

maybe someone will hear and throw me a rope

Never Satisfied

anxious, restless, searching

“What should I do now?”

contemplating, frozen

burning

Never Satisfied

Forever in an hour

If truth was sweet

I would swallow holy water

having consistency in thought and action

is harder than living without second guessing

say one thing, do another

thinking they should match

what a liar

our thoughts speak and speak

and we listen not growing wiser

freedom is putting yourself on the pyre

poetry

oh woe is me

none of this makes sense

can we blow some trees

can I be part of a group of we’s

I’m just so sick and tired of me

I let the pen speak through me

I have nothing to say

these words appear out of the mist

it’s all I have

but it pushes me every single day

so I write until I bleed

I hope that’s okay

if you don’t wanna read

then deny the humanity I’ve expressed today

I don’t know how else to put it

other than to sing this way

Loving Kindness

It’s so easy to be a victim

thinking they hurt you without a reason

never looking past their actions

the causes behind their frustrations

maybe cuz it’s too much work

maybe because you don’t care

and you’re not really that kind anyways

he should know what he’s doing

she’s a bitch

they are all a bunch of assholes

and I am the one they shit on

I deserve better

give me more

what do you give?

how do you speak?

who have you hurt?

you let yourself off the hook when you don’t even look at the man asking for change

you let yourself go when someone asks for a favor to stay at home and watch TV

you’re happy to save money if a child made your shoes

let the world suffer but don’t let me suffer

I won’t be nice, they must be nice first

around and around

we think whatever we have to so we don’t have to do anything

we are lazy

and tired

let me yell and scream and shout but don’t make me move

let me sit and damn the world

Get Over The Past

As high as I wanna be

nobody save me

I left the chute in the plane

because I know I’m guilty

tired of refills I take it straight

out the bottle

I’m sorry helpline but I tried to call you

it’s so fucked up when you’re fucked up

what can I tell you?

until you know what it feels like to wanna disappear

and crying in the night for someone to save you

these words will mean nothing except

a reason for you to feel sorry, and

you know it’s true

drowning under people

you gasp for air

they don’t move yellling

Hey Buddy I’m walking here!

not even the landlord cares

your family’s fed up

wishing you weren’t always there

complaining about being sad

cuz you don’t feel you have a purpose here

the world is so big there must be

someone who feels this out there

Gold Pussy

#NaPoWriMo Day 28: blank

an animal is an animal
and the earth is the earth
nobody complains when they’re
doing their work
but when I do this instead of that
they want to bring me down
sit inside a box they made
they think I act like a clown
you can’t be who you are
they want you to be like them
there’s only so much I can take
before I have to break out again
I can’t keep my heart in
I put it on a chain and when
I walk it bounces around
I tried putting it on my sleeves
but then I left a trail of blood on the ground
and they said why do I have to bleed so much
I told them I wish I wasn’t so fucked up
if you don’t like how it is then
don’t believe that you’re stuck
you can leave and I’ll be fine
sitting in my sunshine
when you commit fraud
you have to pay the fine
it might seem like a good idea at the time
but can you wear that mask for a lifetime

#NaPoWriMo Day 26: I Like Bukowski

water fills all the empty spaces
and the sky isn’t open when I take pictures of it

how many days before I can finally look at the sun
do I have to wait at home until the day is done

I walk sideways so people know I am weird
and I talk in whispers so people need to be close to hear

#NaPoWriMo Day 15: Relationships woes I wouldn’t know

open eyes and closed caskets
what is it that holds me back
from asking
did you ever really love me
i thought i saw you last night
then i woke up and started crying
i went to the bathroom and sat in
the tub
i took pills and layed there
all night

The Pianist

broken hearted and living after I’m dead
what is it that I can do that will take away all the pain
and when I pray to God he answers in whispers
my story is one of sadness
one where nobody comes and saves me
God is God and they say no one should blame him so they blame me