Vancouver Poetry Slam: First Performance

My Shift is Over

okay, okay
I walked home after work
thinking about payday
wondering if I just stayed an extra hour would it all be worth it
but I get on the bus and forget it
on to the next one
worrying about real problems
what’s left now that I have no responsibility
only room to eat
nothing else is worthy
my friend calls me
and asks if we can meet
it’s only six thirty
and I haven’t even watched any TV
I need my fix of youtube still
and maybe watch a movie
my nights don’t start until around nine
and then I go to sleep at two
and wake up early
and complain about my dreams
can’t even get out of bed
all I want is to rest just a little while longer
forget about the hunger
and close my eyes to black
living while dead
I know you’ve never heard of that
but it works real well in the end
when your sitting by yourself
and you don’t have anymore friends
I heard your youngest child doesn’t like you
and your hurt
well I don’t know anyone who likes their parents
I don’t know what that observation is worth
my mother called me yesterday
and said I haven’t been home in a while
I said if I wanted to hear complaining
I’d hang out with one of my friends in a relationship
and see all of the things I’d hate to deal with
and I love the way she says oooh ooooh
on that Spaceship track
I might be a dropout but I never said I wanted any of that
you give me advice
but I never complained about anything
you tell me I’m miserable
but you’ve never seen my without a smile
sometimes it takes a long time to finish a poem
and I just don’t have the patience
I wanna get it all out in one stream
like I’m puking out my feelings
not the best simile
but then I’m not the greatest poet
I just hope you understand me and for those who feel the same way
at least you got it
I don’t expect to change the world or sell out the stores
most people won’t ever read my words
or maybe like Van Gogh I’ll be famous after I’m dead
but I don’t like living in fantasies
I’m just happy writing what I wish I had said

FVCK TITLES: No, This Is The Title

words break hearts, start holocausts, give orders to kill, save people
there is no such thing as magic
there is no such thing as magic
regret
I feel regret
if I don’t do this then, dot dot dot
if I jumped then, no dots
postponing my graduation because I’m too scared of threats
flying is scary but falling seems nice
open
trying to keep my mind like a cup
but the water always overflows by the time I pick it up
I saw her the other day
first time in more than three years
she didn’t say anything but I know she saw me
probably thought about me
that’s why she looked angry and turned around so I wouldn’t see her
but it’s too late and she could move somewhere else but she doesn’t do that either
I hope this is interesting
I always ask questions about what people would want to read
like I really care when I already think I write what you need
and I write what sounds good
you can’t say my lines don’t flow like Iggy Azalea does
I’ll paint a thousand pictures of multiple orgasms in your mind if I could
this is a revolution in the way poetry makes a living
no more interpretations
no more metaphors or words to look up in the dictionary
I keep it simple like Kanye
that’s the only way to penetrate your heart like an A bomb on Nagasaki
sorry
I mean that’s the only way to get through to you like when you listen to Drake and say he should be your homie
and things are so hard right now
I need a minute just to calm down
take a shot of Johnny Walker
let it sit for a bit and then I’m a little better
I can drive again without having to pull over
can we get another shot of whiskey here waiter?
can’t we just stay in, baby, and sleep here?
listen to my friends who all say I’m queer
like what the fuck am I supposed to do
when no one listens or cares they only wanna talk about you
giving advice on what they’d do if they were in my shoes
if you like my life so much I wish we could trade
and you could spend all your time living it up your way
I guess we wouldn’t feel the same
I guess it’s just a real shame
one man’s life is another man’s treasure
one man’s worse is another man’s better
one idea of mine led me to a lifetime of not wanting to be here
maybe this poem is too long
how many words does the average person read?
hopped off the plane yesterday and now people don’t give me any room to breathe
I have a list of things I need to get done before I can even leave
again with all the bullshit I shoulda never came back
just faced my fear and stay alive with open eyes
making your way back when you’ve walked so far
trying to make my mind listen when my feelings are closed off
I’m doing everything inside my head
looking at the world through glass it’s easy to pick out a path
picturing every move like a master of chess
sorry
like a pro at Tekken
reading every page of all my books
don’t stop in case I might get stuck
look at me I might give up
just another day of fight or run
picture Jay-Z saying those last four lines
I don’t know how to wrap this up
a girl ran away the other day, add that to the growing list
the sun is gonna explode
the universe will collapse
all life will end
is that too big?  too much?
everything is gonna be over eventually
question everything
I feel like time is running out while writing this
I always look for some quote to end on that will really make you think
and talk about some universal truth
“stop looking”
even though I know you won’t
and most of you will ask what that means

I believe in Saul Williams

always thinking
always thinking about what’s next
what should I do now?
where should I look now?
thinking again and again
wanting this and that and the other
a neverending ream of thoughts and feelings
bubbling up from underneath our gut into our heads
until our minds explode with ideas
and we speak our souls to each other
not knowing that our mouths are a trap
and other peoples ears are poachers
when I look at you it makes me sick
I want to kill children
I want to destroy the world
everything that came before is now after
the world spins and turns so much I am dizzy and nauseous
I need to sit down but there is no still spot in the universe
the stars look at me like what the fuck
when I asked God to prove his existence to me
I heard my breath
but it might have been nothing
I believe in Saul Williams
how many of us travel at night so we don’t feel lonely?
I am at home on the beach by the water
if all grains of sand are different
then who gives a fuck?
when I look out the window I see unnecessary
I know that was grammatically incorrect but you still understand the effect
that rhymed
open up your heart to try and accept others and you will find
that you just don’t care anymore
as I pause to think of another line words come to me until I latch onto one
and then another
building a sentence out of thin air with rules outside of my control
words come from nowhere but saying they came from me makes me popular
my nose is crooked
my back hurts
work is the most hellish thing ever created
if I had workers I would let them all go and fire myself
and we would party all night until there was no food left
and nothing to drink
that would be worth it
and we would live by doing only what is necessary and share with each other
my mother does not understand the lies that make up the foundation of life
my father chases dreams of fortune knowing they are like bubbles
only beautiful because they are empty
when you break apart the Earth
and split the soil apart
there is emptiness between them
and between the emptiness more soil
but between the soil more emptiness
that came from the Huckabees
if the world was like Heaven we would chase after Hell
if the sky was red maybe we wouldn’t ask why
sleep is a waste of time
so is eating and sex and pissing
education has been so important in my life I didn’t go to school
sacrificing the lamb we get blood
sacrifice you and you don’t get anything
but you’re sacrificed
I thought that would be nice
I don’t know how to end this poem
maybe I’ll type forever creating a record of the world and my thoughts
over the decades and it will be continued by future scribes for centur-

Doing It Wrong Remix

when a good thing goes bad
it’s just what was suppposed to happen
like when you said I’d never be anything
and I secretly started rappin
it went from missed calls to no more texts
and then the only time you came over was for sex
and then you never came
you said you hated umbrellas you don’t wanna get wet
and then I saw you and told you I left you a voicemail
you said you saw it but I know you didn’t even check
and then I saw you with him and you saw me but didn’t even stress
you turned away and looked at him and he gave a smile like he was blessed
why even tell me you were thinking about it when your mind was made
I wouldn’t have spent all this time thinking of all the right things to say
and that chance to fly down to toronto I would have took it
I wouldn’t have stayed

New Visions

I can feel the savageness sometimes and don’t think I can hold it back
sometimes I just wanna beat it up but know that I can’t
fantasies cross my mind
like lying naked next to her
or pouring water over her
being in her all night
and waking up and starting all over
eating everything
no holds barred
we experiment like lonely travelers in the desert
and treat each other like a mirage

Lies

what use is telling the truth now
honesty only counts if you’re coming home now
if I don’t get to feel it now
then I’ll say whatever it takes to get you off the phone now

everybody whispering has me so down
I just stare but can’t read between the lips
the only time you would shut up is when we would kiss
now my friends sit around
throwing around names like they were up for auction
but they don’t really know my condition
I guarantee you my heart will lead to their destruction
but they never run out of trying to give me options

Thesaurus Dreams

cut open moons and
spread it on a cracker
let the light flow
like I was watering wine
and I wanna make everything mine
take her and her and her all back home
let em fall like I was sitting underneath a waterfall
while I eat fruit on a throne
on top of a volcano
with liquid hot gold

I didn’t mean to ramble…my streams of consciousness

let it all out don’t hold anything in like your vomiting again and you had too much to drink so your thoughts can’t stay in so you speak and people tell you to be quiet you just keep going hoping somebody will listen and ask you to repeat it so when you take the stage and they ask for your name you say forget it it’s not important i can only hope they will listen and sacrifice like i have but most likely they won’t even question anyone like i have they will live their lives like they have and not pay any attention to what might have happened off the court and off the papers only looking for what they see with eyes that are wearing glasses painted with money and so i just decided to let the bomb go clear the room and start a new show this is a new beginning extraterrestrial and i am an alien and we are taking over this is the end independence day for a new generation bring the martian saviors and open the doors to your salvation we are mining the earth for ore and bringing it back to god’s station refining the metals into angelic bodies glistening in the light of the sun what a beautiful sensation

L-O-V-E

words ring in my ear and they always felt true
never questioned the source like a fundamentalist
I was a terrorist
never ending narration of my life
trains running through my mind
my heart pulled by a puppeteer
beating faster then slower then not at all
aching at night
in the morning a strange taste in my mouth
eating is a chore
space is not empty but smaller things that create distances
actions are not our choices
I am not I nor anything else
I wish I could stand objectively on the edge of the world
if there is a God does he care about us?
if I love you does it really matter?
the tighter I hold the more you slip away
everybody I know tells me to go left or right to reach the middle
could they all be right?
I’ve heard many paths lead to the same place
I have walked many paths and they led nowhere
having stopped running I have found myself everywhere
could this overflowing feeling that makes me quiver be called love?
are there feelings to which we cannot ascribe words?
there is this thing
this thing that overcomes me and pulls me and I can’t let it go
free will has abandoned my life
how can you hold me responsible?
if I could wrap up the world as a gift I would not give it to anyone
thinking leads to thinking and these thoughts drive me crazy even though they aren’t true
sometimes I wish words did exist and I could pluck them out of the air
then at least I would know truth
how it feels
how it tastes
time machines give us an escape from reality and lead to fairy tales
dreams give us hope that dies with the present
this life is full of feelings but we ignore most of them
for the first time I am truly feelings everything
it is a gift and a curse
every feeling is a vibration that multiplies as I watch it travel from my head to my chest and my knees buckle in fear
if I ever felt true love
it would kill me