My Shift is Over

okay, okay
I walked home after work
thinking about payday
wondering if I just stayed an extra hour would it all be worth it
but I get on the bus and forget it
on to the next one
worrying about real problems
what’s left now that I have no responsibility
only room to eat
nothing else is worthy
my friend calls me
and asks if we can meet
it’s only six thirty
and I haven’t even watched any TV
I need my fix of youtube still
and maybe watch a movie
my nights don’t start until around nine
and then I go to sleep at two
and wake up early
and complain about my dreams
can’t even get out of bed
all I want is to rest just a little while longer
forget about the hunger
and close my eyes to black
living while dead
I know you’ve never heard of that
but it works real well in the end
when your sitting by yourself
and you don’t have anymore friends
I heard your youngest child doesn’t like you
and your hurt
well I don’t know anyone who likes their parents
I don’t know what that observation is worth
my mother called me yesterday
and said I haven’t been home in a while
I said if I wanted to hear complaining
I’d hang out with one of my friends in a relationship
and see all of the things I’d hate to deal with
and I love the way she says oooh ooooh
on that Spaceship track
I might be a dropout but I never said I wanted any of that
you give me advice
but I never complained about anything
you tell me I’m miserable
but you’ve never seen my without a smile
sometimes it takes a long time to finish a poem
and I just don’t have the patience
I wanna get it all out in one stream
like I’m puking out my feelings
not the best simile
but then I’m not the greatest poet
I just hope you understand me and for those who feel the same way
at least you got it
I don’t expect to change the world or sell out the stores
most people won’t ever read my words
or maybe like Van Gogh I’ll be famous after I’m dead
but I don’t like living in fantasies
I’m just happy writing what I wish I had said

Leaders and gurus and kings and businessmen

we don’t even know where we came from
but you wanna tell me how to live my life
and what to do now that I’ve come
we are confused
just admit it’s so
and we can all go on
living free and not worrying anymore
I’m not holding myself back anymore
it’s time to be a priest
and shed some light on all the wicked beasts
that prey on the believers
just looking for something to eat
when they need love
but all you give them are hugs
and tell them to shut up
when they can easily turn around
and leave and never come back up
because there’s freedom down there
and they don’t need your pricey air
everything you want is free
as long as you just want to be
picking apart the laws of the land
and taking a stand
I step back and look over the people
that thought we had reached some
pinnacle or sensation of living
when all we had come to was a false
sense of salvation
a temporary ending
with a horrible beginning

#NaPoWriMo Day 17: Freedom, Let it ring!

I never knew there
was a price on freedom
or that we had to ask
who knew we needed them
can’t I just walk without a reason
I’m leaving home
without a question

True Romance

My finger won’t pull the trigger and my mind won’t let me settle on one thing until it’s done.  Changing lanes repeatedly. Repeatedly. I am lost in desire, caught in the trap of desire for no desires.  Is this too complicated? Can you hear me? What are you going to- wait, that’s not what I wanted to say. Someone was saying it on TV.

Happy Endings

you can’t just leave a poem with no ending even though you feel no ending in reality and in your life you don’t come to endings or conclusions you still must have a poem with an ending
your story must ring true and your whole being must be in it and your characters must be real
there can be no easy way out or lack of trouble or no romance
you need a purpose and something to fight for
and an ending
everything that real life-

They Need An Answer: Written in 45 seconds

I am the writer of my own ending
but I don’t know what to write
a perfect time for writers block
and there isn’t much time left before time is up
and people come and say to me
“what will you decide?”
and I tell them
“I don’t even know the question”
a thousand possible choices
and a thousand choices after those choices
in a never ending cycle of thought
except when I try not to think about it
and instead I drink and stay up watching movies
late nights filled with meditation
and writing poems that just confirm the feelings
but do nothing about them
lost and drowning in my mind
looking for an answer
because the world isn’t satisfied
with the one I gave her